Do you ever eavesdrop?

 I am habitually curious, so of course, I eavesdrop. I never mean to intrude on private space, my eyes are just prone to wandering. If my parents are on their phones next to me, I will always take a peek.

My mom once told me that it’s the German in me. Indeed, Germany’s social rule on staring is far from America’s rules. In America, I’d say that people in public tend to not focus on others. If you look at any one person for too long, you’ve become creepy. German norms are the opposite. Everyone on the subway will be looking at one another, not in the eyes, but at their clothes, their bags, and whatever else can be studied at a glance. Staring is not rude at all. Staring at, and perhaps judging, others is not the taboo it is in America.

It's true that I’ll also look at people in public, but not as much as my mom. Her favorite part of an airport is the different people. While I’m searching the carousel for my bags, she’s searching through the bystanders. If she finds someone interesting, say a parent with an eccentric style, she’ll lean over to me and say “Coleman, do you see that person with the weird outfit?” I’ll always get scared because what if they can hear us? Though, sometimes I have noticed them, and I do think their outfit is weird.

That leaves me in a weird place. I definitely eavesdrop more than the average American, but not so much as other Germans like my mom. I don’t snoop out of malice, and often times what I learn isn’t even that interesting. I only ever eavesdrop when the situation presents itself, I don’t go searching for it. I won’t maneuver myself to glance at someone’s phone, but if it is tilted toward me, I will look. If someone is speaking loudly on public transport, I’ll listen in.

Maybe because I eavesdrop, I’m scared of others doing it to me. It’s pretty hypocritical. I try to tilt my phone away from others so they can’t see it plainly. If my parents call me when I’m with friends, I’ll walk away so nobody overhears anything. If I was not so inclined to look at other people’s phones, I probably wouldn’t think they’re trying to look at mine. I naturally expect the same behavior from others.

I’ve felt bad about these contradictions. I get embarrassed by my mom's eavesdropping, yet I do it myself. I even do my best to stop others from eavesdropping on me. I become ashamed if I hear something private.

I think this tendency comes out of wonder. A chance to listen to a loud phone conversation on the train is a chance to learn. The same force that compels me to listen in, is the force that compels me to ask a friend about their day. Yet, eavesdropping can still be an invasion of privacy.

I’ve realized that it's best to eavesdrop on people you don’t know. If I learn something about a random person on the street, it has no tangible effect. I won’t do anything with that information, and they won’t ever see me again. If I learned something private about my friends, however, that could change our interactions. Learning personal information doesn’t matter as much when it's someone you don’t personally know.

I’ve reconciled with this vice. I don’t see eavesdropping as much of a problem. If I’m not harming anyone, there’s no need to stifle my curiosity.