How often do you cry?

I do not cry often. In fact, I barely seem to cry at all, and I’m not that happy about it. When I was much younger, I was much more emotional. I had tantrums plenty of times, and I cried a lot. Looking back, it feels like I cried whenever anything big or small went wrong. Of course, I matured. I got older and learned to control my emotions. In doing so, it seems that I’ve pretty much stopped crying in total. At first thought, not being able to cry doesn’t seem all too bad. Maybe I just have amazing emotional control, and I’m not phased by anything. But I don’t see it that way. Honestly, I wish I cried more often. I don’t have a lack of reason to cry. Though I’m generally happy, I definitely have moments where it feels like I should cry. Especially at this time, I’ve got a lot going on. The end of the semester is nearing, which means I have to balance basketball, college essays and applications, and school projects and finals. This seems like a perfect sob story, but there’s no sobbing. Crying can be therapeutic; you’re letting it all out. If I’m not crying, does that mean I’m keeping it all in?

    Often, there is a stigma on boys or men crying. It’s pretty common to hear the statement “Men don’t cry", and I abhor that. As our world has changed, and traditional norms and rules for genders or sexes have changed, emotional repression has become a social topic. I pride myself on being emotionally open, yet I can’t seem to cry. I don’t think I am emotionally repressive, but I can’t cry nonetheless.

    I can count how many times I’ve cried in the last 3 years on my hands. The last time I cried was April 7th, when one of my cats died. I don’t want to go into detail, but it was an experience where I absolutely bawled my eyes out. Still, in the months since then, I haven’t cried once. I don’t want it to seem that the experience didn’t seriously affect me, because it did. Every time I see a picture of her, my heart drops. Yet, I don’t cry.

    On a lighter note, is movies. I’ve always wanted to cry at a movie, but I’ve never done it. I’ve even sought out tear-jerking films, but none have worked. I do love movies, and I get very emotionally invested in them, but I still can’t seem to cry. The closest I’ve come to crying is during the film Moonlight. The movie shows three different parts of a man’s life. As he goes through struggles, he puts up barriers and represses his emotions. Near the end of the film, he reunites with a former friend and lover. In their interaction, you can see all of his emotional barriers come down, and he opens up. At this exact moment, I got closest to crying. My heart dropped and my eyes watered, but no tears.

    The rarity of my tears has been a point of introspection in my life. It seems to be something purely physical, that I simply don’t produce tears often. I still have a longing for the therapeutic experience of crying, especially at a movie. My search for a movie that will give me the satisfaction of shedding tears will continue. I implore everyone reading this to watch a movie that makes them cry. I don’t know when I’ll cry next, but I know it’ll be poignant and memorable.